The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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