so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
