Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
