I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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