I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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