I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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