Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
