i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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