How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
