Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
