PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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