my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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