WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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