Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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