you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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