Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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