the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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