I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
