hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
