This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
