we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize