god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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