you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
