I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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