but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
