dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
