my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
