i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
