Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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