Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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