I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
