Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
