so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
