My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
