im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
