Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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