i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
