he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
