dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
