It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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