I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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