He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
