He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
