Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
