there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
