I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
