I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
