You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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