he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
