I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize