Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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