and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
