I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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