it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
