We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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