Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
