The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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