for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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