My liver just broke up with me...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
