drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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