Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This girl is more easily done than said...
barbara walters just said penis...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
