are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
