sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
