I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
