i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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