And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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