if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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