I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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