I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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