have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
