I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
