he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
