we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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