Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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