The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
sex in a hospital.. check
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
