$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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