Don't make out with my wife yet
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
