today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
