Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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