This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
