yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
