I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize