We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His nipple licking is glorious
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
