make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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