Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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